Day 7 - Going back

Hello Everyone.

This is the last day of my being in this house. I'm going back tomorrow. Very very nostalgic right now, especially when all four of us were together after a long long time. <sigh> I'll miss them very much. I so wish I could show them how much I love them.

Now that I think of it, its sort of funny that as I'm writing this, I've got bleach on my face. Have used it after almost half a decade. Want to test a theory I've got - whether bleach is preventive for acne. See, it sort of makes sense - bleach is nothing but hydrogen peroxide and bacteria die from it and acne is caused by a bacteria Propionibacterium acne. Also I never used to get pimples when I used to use it regularly. Lets see what happens.

Watched the movie - Journey to the Center of the Earth - bit childish yet I couldn't help but admire Jules Verne's imagination. I used to read his books when I was kid in school. I remember what amount of detailing he used to put in his books. Wonder whether such a thing does exist down at the centre. It makes me feel so like a tiny and unimportant little thing, worrying about its own little worries when there's such a beautiful world out there - everything's nothing short of a miracle. Wonder who created it all. Thank you, for such a beautiful world. Please give mankind peace and understanding so that he won't go destroying everything while caught up in his own little world where he's all that matters. I know, You won't let him destroy it, but give him understanding so that he won't go and destroy himself in the process. Amen.

1 1/2 hr later - More than half-way through my packing, only clothes left now. Put away my stuff in separate boxes so that they won't get mixed up with the general stuff. All my little trinkets, my old photo album, my Jimmy's vaccination card, my graduation stuff, some birthday cards (one of them is unused) and some old books esp. my Harry Potter collection - I owe my adolescence to it, it kept me sane, my grand-uncle's book which I'd borrowed but couldn't return it and other little memories. Moving is such an emotional experience, I don't know what to feel right now - I'm numb and there's also this little heart-ache which refuses to go, not to mention the lump in my throat. I need to distract myself or I won't be able to go to sleep, I think I'll watch a movie or something. Also, won't be able to post anything tomorrow as I'll be on the train back.
  

Day 5 & 6 - Joy of Freedom

Hi All.

Sorry, for not posting yesterday. Had an exam to prepare for ;)

Well, yesterday ordered a surprise cake for my husband at 8 pm, which reached at 11 pm :( So no surprise was left. Still, the cake was good he said.

Today was my exam. Hadn't studied so you can imagine what it was like.

All of this apart, I want to tell you about the joy of being free. I decided to break myself free from the burden I'd put on myself - of trying to be good at everything. Its not like I've given up, its more like I'm going to take each day as it comes, feel all the time that passes by each second, and cherish each moment I spend with people I love. My sister went back today and so am I - day after tomorrow. Though all this while I was missing my husband, but today the thought of leaving home has already started to make me miss my parents. They're moving too and I don't know when I'll meet them next :(

Sometimes, all the joys in the world you can have for yourself, pale in front of the simple joys of life - like seeing the people you love happy. I always wondered how some people love their career more than the people in their lives. Money can come anytime, and if you're with your family you'll be happy even when you don't have life's luxuries. How can those days ever come back - growing up, learning things from parents, fighting your sister wildly and yet fiercely defending her from others, thinking that your papa is the strongest and most intelligent person in the world (which I still do), demanding from mother to cook 'n' number of special dishes and getting them served to you with a loving smile (all the trouble she took vanishes seeing you like it), and the list goes on. That's why they say - memories are precious. Thinking about all that has brought a lump in my throat. Life is so short. Yet we spend the major part of it running after happiness, all the while forgetting that happiness was right there, by your side.

So take a moment off. Feel the present. Its not going to back again...

hmmmm....

Ok, now something for you on a lighter note -

Happy Today!!! :) Take care.

Day 4 - New Realisation

My exam is on Sunday.

And yet I'm calm - or pseudocalm.

Enjoyed the day with my sister today - went shopping and had lunch together. Felt nice.

Yet whenever someone asks me about my studies, I get tensed. My mother-in-law did that today and it resulted in me being jumpy while lying to her that I study all day.

My husband called, and I think I didn't talk to him normally either. What's got into me? Am I worrying about the future too much? Then I found this thought someone shared on facebook:

This is so true! Then I realised, I think too much, maybe if I stop thinking too much, I'll be happy - cos I don't seem to be happy :( Even when my husband told me that he'd booked us a rooftop dinner in a fancy restaurant for this Valentine's day, all I kept worrying about was what to wear! I'm so foolish!

You know what, I think I should change the title of my blog - no one can shape their life exactly as they want it, very few can get very close to living their dream, so it won't do to worry about it all the time. I think it should rather be - Being Myself Day-to-Day. What do you think of it?

Found another wonderful read : The five regrets - Paulo Coelho's Blog

I know its very difficult to keep oneself calm when nothing's going your way, while everybody you know is happy doing things they like. Sometimes, the future does appear hopeless and bleak - you don't want to end up like a cross old woman who's just bitter all the time. No, I don't want to be like that.

So from now on, I'll try to be happy. I'll try to be nice to others irrespective of my bothers. I'll not think much about the future, and I'll try to be happy with what I have, which by the way is wonderful - A doting (and handsome) husband, warm in-laws and my own great family! Add to it an MBBS degree from one of the best colleges and great friends too! And not bad to look at either, as many people have told me :).Okay, now I'm starting to wonder what do I cry about all the time! My life's perfect! All that it lacks is a post-graduate degree, and I'll get that sometime. Till then I need not whine and spoil other people's mood. God, I'm such a whiner. Will try to be cheerful from tomorrow - no more damsel in distress :).

Day 3 - At Crossroads Again

Hi All.

At crossroads again.

My little sister came to visit today. So spent the day with her. As I think I'll be spending the better of next 2 days. <sigh>

I am happy, don't get me wrong. Only thing that bothers me is how to balance the two - studies and family. I know family is the most important thing in life and never let your family down when they need you, but the same family also wishes to see me grow and be someone important. <sigh>

I know that they say in order to get something you have to sacrifice something else, but I know what I can sacrifice and what I cannot. One is important to me and the other is important to them. Wish I could somehow get the two right. Sometimes I feel I have too many expectations from them and that makes me feel very bad when I'm not able to fulfill them. (Yes, we're a typical Asian family) The result is I'm perpetually reprimanding myself.

Please Dear God, help me out here. I need it very much. Please.

Day 2

What should one do if one does not like to do the work one is supposed to do?
I love medicine but I'm tired of these entrance exams.

Anyway, about today - guilty of a little transgression. :(
Gave in to the temptation of a mid-afternoon snooze. Ate a chocolate.

Listening to myself makes me feel ashamed. Am I too hard on myself? - Not particularly as I don't end up doing half the things I've planned. Am I depressed or something? - I don't think so, considering I enjoy other things in life - movies, shopping, etc. What is wrong with me then????

Aaargh! Laziness is a very hard thing to shake off once you've caught it, I guess. In the day, it seduces you to do things which are just a waste of time, promising that there's still plenty of time for all the serious stuff. Lies. Time goes too fast. You realise it when the day's over.

I know I could've just lied and pretended I had a great day, but seeing all the people who've given this page a view has sort of inspired me. I know its not a cake-walk to shake off one of the most dangerous ailments affecting humanity - laziness, but I want to keep trying. Just so that I can be honest with you. Thank you. You might just have saved a soul. :)

Tomorrow - a fresh start then! Giddyup! :)

P. S. I think I need a goal. Considering two of my exams are just around the corner and I'm not prepared enough, I'll set my eyes on the next goal - mid-year DNB and AIIMS exams. I don't really care about my post-graduation as I have plenty of options at this level, but I have to prove something to myself. Prove that I'm still in the race.
       
Okay then, all said and done - Goal - AIIMS exam May 6, 2012.
                              Short-term target - finish with all the previous exam papers of State PGCET.
                                                           (3 down, 7 to go)

                                                    

Day 1

Hmmm... End of Day 1.

My verdict - Bitter-sweet.

Succeeded in not sleeping in the afternoon, which was a little victory in itself, what with my mind suggesting all the wonderful restful things that sleep brings.

Evening - well, it went away in planning my husband's birthday... nothing really came out of all the planning - but no regrets..

Study - a bit.

Positives - controlled the impulse to sleep, and have an off-time snack. Downloaded a new alarm app :)
Negatives - should try to do more with the time saved.

All the best to myself for tomorrow. Have to do better.

My First Post

        Today, I decided something. I will not allow laziness to take over my life. For some time I've been cribbing about why I never seem to get a good score on my exams or why I keep growing fat. Then I realised - maybe its all my own doing, maybe I'm too lazy and its better I admit it to myself now and change my ways before its too late.
        Then I read somewhere - 'Laziness is taking rest before you get tired', and it made me realise that's exactly what I do. If I continue indulging myself, I'll be a fool. So here's this blog now, as a testimony to my new resolution - to fight laziness. I'll be posting as much as possible, about my daily struggle against laziness, and hopefully will be able to shape my future as I want it to be.