Its Monday!

Its 7.45 am and I've completed all my chores! Happy happy! :) For some reason, I'm glad that its Monday, never felt like this before about Monday - I always thought of myself as Garfield.

Sunday was good. We went to a movie - Ek Main Aur Ekk Tu - its the latest Bollywood release. Its a romantic comedy and it wasn't bad, quite enjoyed it actually because the lead pair are cute, Kareena Kapoor's my favorite actress. 

        

Anyway, I'm going to go day-by-day now. Had a very low point yesterday when I saw my juniors qualifying for post-graduation. But I'm not going to let what others do get to me. I'm going to keep trying and not give up and keep hoping. So that's my resolution for the week. Wish me luck! :)

                                           Happy Today! 

P. S. I made hubby watch Psych yesterday and he loved it, watched three episodes back to back.
         Also check out the video bar, it has trailers of the movie I mentioned.
         Updated my profile pic, its a pic of my hand at my engagement, my little sister clicked it.

Great Beginnings

Its 9 am, hubby got off to work and he had a breakfast AND he had his lunch box too AND all the dishes are done AND I've had a bath AND all my work is done! Wow! Great start today. The house is also quite clean. I can't believe I'm finally free for the day and can study in peace... At least until dinner time. This is great. I'm going to follow this routine everyday now.

I prepared something for breakfast today morning. Its supposed to be besan. It isn't great but it isn't bad either, but definitely could have been better. Poor hubby ate it with a brave smile saying its good. So sweet of him. For those who don't know, a typical Indian meal consists of a vegetable or something like besan (below) to eat with a chapati (sort of instant bread) and a daal to eat with rice.

This is the daal I made for dinner yesterday. I know it looks spicy, but it really isn't. I want to do something about the oil though, I think I put in too much of it.

I also wanted to show you my home :) the furniture isn't ours and as of now we are only living here for 1year so haven't brought much stuff, but yet it feels like home :) Welcome to our living room.

                                                Happy Today! :)

P. S. Signed up for A to Z Challenge April 2012! Excited!

Routine

I confess, the only reason I was out of action was because I had an acute episode of laziness. Lasted all of 2 days. It is finally wearing off now and I'm much better today, thank you :)

I would also like to thank all those who visited me since my last post. Another reason why I didn't write was because I felt, well, it didn't matter! I know it still doesn't but it feels nice to have someone somewhere else in the world going through stuff that has been through my mind, makes me feel connected to you somehow, even if you don't say anything - to know that you're not all alone is the best feeling in the world - isn't it?

My results were out the day before, and as I had expected, I did extremely poorly. Sulked for the whole day yesterday and wanted to go and hide from the world. Then I remembered the line from Batman Begins (which is quickly becoming my favorite) - "Why do we fall? So that we can pick ourselves again and go on." It went something like that. And that is what I did, I picked myself up, and have been carrying myself since then.

When you want to cheer yourself, I find cleaning is the best thing that you can do. Any putting off the task is like making your mood worse. After all, when you're surroundings are in order, you are too. So that's what I did first thing today, put everything back in its place. I'm feeling much better now. My only wish in that matter is that my other half learns that there's a place for everything and everything should be in its place. <sigh>

My friends have done quite well in the entrance exam I was talking about, and they'll soon be starting their post-graduation. Of course I'd be very happy too if I'd got a good score too, but I know I haven't worked hard enough for it. So that's what I'm going to do from today - try my best, and then when I'm convinced that I've done all I can, I can be content.

So that's the mission for today - Give your best!

Someone has said - "How you spend your days is, after all, how you spend your life."

                                Happy Today!!! :)

Confusing times

Hi.

Thank you for so many page views in the past few days! I'm happy happy :)

Anyway, this is a follow-up of the facebook thing that's going on in my life right now. Yesterday, the idiot posted something about me again. He deleted it after sometime, but as its my luck we're talking about, my husband saw it. He didn't say anything, except that everyone makes mistakes, but some people have to pay heavily for them. I will never know whether he was referring to me or to my friend. Bless his soul, he ended the matter at that, though I guess there's a little small grain of tension that has come in between us. I'm not sure whether its from my side or his. Or maybe from both sides. But still, he's a very brave and forgiving soul for not making any negativity apparent. He deserves the best, this one, and I'm suddenly feeling very small and inadequate. I want to make right everything but I doubt whether it will go back to being one hundred percent clear again. There will always remain some turbidity there.

Today is Valentine's Day. We have made plans for a romantic candle-light dinner at a fancy restaurant. Hope everything goes fine. I have realised what it is to respect and love someone - not the passionate or school/college romance, but the deeper and steadier one - the one which lasts forever. I will always love you, dear hubby, and I want to keep loving you and making you happy and protecting you from hurt.

             Happy Valentine's Day!

Ugh! Not a good idea

Hi.

It may feel silly, but I tried watching an adult movie today. Never had I been able to muster the courage to watch it before. Today I picked it up on purpose. And Ugh!!!! Not a good idea. Cannot fathom why people watch it let alone like it. Won't ever do that again, that curiosity is dead now, very much dead.

Anyway, moving on. I played the role of a good wife today. Cooked lunch for my hubby, packed it and took it to him at the hospital. He ate it and sent the lunch-box back with me. That's that. I know he was busy and all and he apologised a lot too for not being able to spend more time with me, but I guess something was wrong with me today and I continued to give him the 'whatever' attitude. That's why I picked this up when I came back, to experiment saying - Bah! What the hell.

Now coming back to why I was almost out of my mind - in my last post I had gone on and on about how a friend had back stabbed me. Turns out, it wasn't her after all, it was her over possessive boy-friend. I don't understand whether to be relieved to hear that my friend hasn't lost it completely or whether to be worried that she has lost it enough to continue to be with this guy. He has supposedly hacked her facebook account and is sending offensive messages to all her friends to lead her away from everyone. Me, sitting here, more than a thousand kilometers away, wanting to help someone see sense, worrying about her, who by the way isn't that close a friend, I must be out of my mind. That's what my hubby said to me when I told him yesterday. I know she's not particularly my bff, but I'd be lying if I said that I don't care what happens to her. I have no idea how to help her though, and this is where I'll just have to sit with my hands tied, seeing someone's life destroyed right in front of my eyes. Hate being helpless.

Betrayal

Hi.

What's the worst kind of backstabbing a friend can do to you? The injury can hurt not only socially but also mentally. You feel sad that a person you once thought of as a friend, can do this to you out of nowhere, and for a reason you cannot fathom.

Today first thing in the morning, when my husband opened his facebook page, there was a message from my college friend, telling my husband about my past relationships supposedly because its good for the present one. (What the hell?)

Needless to say, I'm a wreck of emotions right now. I'm torn between whether to be angry or sad or revengeful, whether to reply to her or tell on her to my other friends or just let it be and give her a chance yet again. 

What makes me sad is that, what on earth could be the reason that prompted her to take such an action, what on earth did I do to her in the first place! Why such animosity towards me? For the record, I haven't even been in contact with her for more than a year now, after she actively started distancing herself from the group. She had found a new boyfriend then who fed her already suggestible mind and made her go against her own friends.    

This message could've ruined my marriage, had it not been for the maturity and understanding of my husband who knows enough of the world to not take such things seriously. (Partly because he was busy searching something important to him.) Anyway, this is the bad side of social networking, that's all I can say. I don't know what will happen next, but I'm not afraid anymore.

New Day

Hullo there!

Sitting quietly after sending the husband to work, listening to radio Fever 104 FM, wondering is this what life is all about. The same struggle with my hair which refuse to tame, contemplating what to do next- do the dishes or    mop the floor. Day after day, doing the same thing, following the same routine, till one day we retire. Well, how will it be different if I go to work too? It may be better, having people around you, rather than sitting alone in the house. Hmm... But the house will be a sight to see! I like clean homes - I have the Monica Geller syndrome. lol.

I've been following this schedule for a couple of days now, and this is hard work. I've never worked so much - especially doing household chores. One thing that's good is I can train myself to fight off laziness. Well, having a writer's block - wanted to write, but can't. Maybe that's because the radio's a distraction - the stupid song from Rockstar is playing.

Anyway, I'll end it here with a good quote from the movie I saw yesterday - Batman Begins - "Why do we fall? So that we may pick ourselves up again."

There are lots of things if you want to pass time passively, but if you use it to do something which is an active expression of yourself, it may help you in someway.

Inspiration

Hi.

I know I haven't written for the past couple of days, and the reasons are many, but that's not why I'm writing today. I just watched My Fair Lady. I've always admired Audrey Hepburn, not exactly knowing why, cos there always seemed to be something about her which was beyond what could be seen. Today, I know why.

I read about her in Wikipedia.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Audrey_Hepburn

What I read brought tears to my eyes. Not everyone is capable of greatness, not everyone is capable of going through what she went through in childhood and yet not be bitter, only sad. She had those wonderful eyes, which spoke so much, what they had in them cannot be described in words. It was a medley myriad emotions,  of innocence, naughtiness, childishness and  carefree abandon, yet at the same time there was stateliness, womanliness, poise and grace which seemed unaware of the admiration they received.

What she was and what she did, is truly inspiring. Some people keep their money to themselves, some people justify what they've achieved as a reward for all they went through, some people - kinder than others donate, and there are some others, quite rare, who give their lives to helping and taking care of others - ambassadors of the Smile.

There are such gems here and there, giving light to others, however small their radius may be. Such small gems can be found in every home - mothers. Since I started doing the household chores, I realised what a thankless job it is - and it has been just a couple of days, not even a week! Yet there are these mothers who devote their entire life to doing something that nobody notices and expects they are only doing their duty. Everyone gets paid for doing something, but these mothers don't even expect anything, yet they toil as hard as the daily wage laborer. On top of it all, it is expected of her to be on top of things, be smart, be knowledgeable of the happenings in the world around her, also pursue a career of her own. I know I'm rambling about, but the realisation has overwhelmed me - every house has a hero and nobody knows it! People now-a-days think career women are smart and look down upon women who decide to be stay-at-home wives. Even though I agree there are some women who are successful in juggling the two jobs, there are some who in pursuit of their own career, neglect their family.

At the end of it - my point is, it is good to be a jack of all trades, but it is best to be the master of atleast one.

Ending with an Audrey Hepburn inspirational quote from Wikipedia - She stated in a 1959 interview, "you can even say that I hated myself at certain periods. I was too fat, or maybe too tall, or maybe just plain too ugly... you can say my definiteness stems from underlying feelings of insecurity and inferiority. I couldn't conquer these feelings by acting indecisive. I found the only way to get the better of them was by adopting a forceful, concentrated drive."^[106]

Day 11 - Blues

Hi.

Remember how I'd told you that all I want is to be a good housewife (I know it sounds silly), well, the decision was seriously challenged today. After I'd done my household chores, I called up my aunt who lives in the city to let her know I'm here. I received an indirect rebuttal of "what the hell are you doing, aimless like this." Well, yes I am aimless. But what is the difference between being aimless and being content, I wonder. Everyone I know is busy doing something or the other while my story seems to have end here. Where did I go wrong, or what am I doing wrong?

The Bhagvad Geeta says, do your job without thinking of the reward. Maybe that's what I'm doing wrong, maybe that's what has changed in me. Earlier I never used to think about how I'm going to fare in the.... <break>

My very good friend called. Talked to her for an hour or so. Then my parents wanted to video chat. That lasted for half an hour. Showed them the house, they liked it. Will show you sometime too. For now, I'll have to take leave cos I have to go on a vegetable shopping expedition. Then I have to put to right the wrongly prepared dough which I'd made for aloo parathas. <sigh> Day's almost coming to an end. My husbad will be home soon. See you tomorrow then. Whatever happens, keep saying with a smile - Happy Today! :)

Day 8, 9 & 10 - Changes

Hi All.

So the day for leaving finally arrived. My mother didn't say much, cos she had a lump in her throat. I didn't want to leave them too, but change is the rule of life - you can't escape it even if you want to.

The journey was uneventful. I slept for most of the night and the day too. Had brought Harry Potter along but didn't feel like reading it. So after 20 hrs of journey I finally reached my destination - the Garden City of India - Bangalore. My husband was there, waiting for me. He was happy to see me. I'm not too sure about how I felt cos since I left my home, I was in a kind of daze.

We rode a autorickshaw back to our new home - new for me, my husband has already stayed there for more than a fortnight now.

The house is good - cute you can say - big but not so big at the same time, comfortable for two people. After a hot bath, we had curd rice for dinner and the methi parathas that I'd brought along. All the time, my brain trying to accept the fact that I'm in a different place. In these two months I'd gotten used to sleeping alone, so much so that even my husband of 4 months felt alien to me. But it all got right in the end and we ended up making love even though we were out of practice. :)

Woke up a bit late in the morning. We don't have any gas yet so no morning tea for us. But we do have a toaster, so it was bread and ketchup for breakfast. After he left for work, I got down to the real business - cleaning. God! Men live like pigs - even the sweet ones. I cleaned the whole house, washed the dishes and rearranged the kitchen, bedroom and the living room, but the task of washing dirty socks has suddenly made me lose all my enthusiasm. Anyway, I should get to work now, its almost 11. I'll be meeting my husband for lunch, we'll eat out today.

Looking forward to what all this day will bring. Hopefully, a gas cylinder and some flour. I want to have a decent meal.